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Ask a Sober Mom: How Do I Find Accountability Without AA?

Sober Mommies Ask A Sober Mom - How to stay accountable without AA

I have almost 5 years sober, this is my second time of sobriety, first one lasted 10 years. I don’t attend AA because well….I just don’t really like them. But I’m curious about finding an accountability partner without going to meetings.

Do you have any suggestions?


First of all, WOOHOO! That is five years of hard work and glory, right there, Mama—well done! I know that each recovery path is so unique and so individual, but I can honestly say I hear you on this one. While I’m thankful for the work that 12 step programs do and the amazing benefit they have for so many, it’s never been a good fit for me personally either. That being said, there are lots of ways I’ve been able to support my recovery and find my community—my tribe—as I call them in other ways. I have a few friends who I can be really open with, even if they may not fully understand my struggles with addiction, they are amazing allies and supporters in my recovery and help hold me accountable to the life I want to live and the woman I want to be.

I’m prone to being a loner in other areas of my life but I realized pretty quickly that for me, recovery was MUCH harder when I tried that. Online support groups—like the private social media group that Sober Mommies offers—have been a huge help to me, and I’ve been so blessed with friendships and a sisterhood of likeminded women that I will forever cherish. There are lots of groups on Facebook and standalone websites that connect women in recovery with similar interests—fitness, health and wellness, motherhood, etc. that are just a “search” away, and I hope it goes without saying that you are certainly welcome in our community as well.

The one thing I have learned over the years—and I’ve found this to be true with face to face accountability relationships, meeting participation and online group support—is that I’m going to get out of it what I put in. If I’m willing to be open, empathetic and authentic, then I’m more likely to find that in a friendship or relationship that I seek. If I’m willing to listen and try to meet someone on their level—wherever they are on their path—then I’m almost always going to learn something beautiful and grow. It’s not easy connecting with people in any stage of life, and recovery is no different, but if you’re willing to be open to hearing people’s stories and sharing your own, there’s a lot of support to be found, even if it’s not in the rooms. Best of luck to you, and like I said, you’re always welcome in our tribe!


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