Ask a Sober Mom: Living a Double Life
I have been struggling with alcohol addiction for about for about 10 years. Until recently I didn’t realize it was addiction. I mean…I can’t be an alcoholic I have a wonderful family with a wonderful husband and 4 kids! I keep all my shit together. Only one of my dearest friends knows what I struggle with and nobody else! I recently became at a stay at home mom bc childcare was outrageous for twins. I have been struggling with this. Being a stay at home mom was never something I wanted to do and I find I drink to cope which isn’t right.
And please don’t think for one minute I am one of these moms that have a bottle of wine and feel terrible no try 3. I would love some advice or anything just not to feel so guilty and alone. I want to make a lifestyle change i have always been into mediation and spirituality I want to focus on those things in my life I want to love in the moment not a drunken stupor. No I know I can do it. I just would like some advice if any form someone that has experienced something similar. Thank you.
Signed, “Living the Double Life”
Dear “Living the Double Life,”
Oh sweet sister, you are not alone. Not at all. There are many of us, including myself, who have been where you are. Like you, stay at home motherhood was never a goal of mine, and adjusting to that was almost my undoing.
I drank, I used, I numbed because I was so lonely and so sure I was the only one who could ever have been such terrible mom for feeling that way. Parenting is hard, and that’s on the good days. With twins, I imagine it’s double that challenge.
The good news is that you already KNOW there is so much more life out there for you—inside you. You are already reaching out wanting to enjoy those moments fully, and not in a haze. You’ve already taken the first huge step of realizing that.
Now, the question is what can be your next baby step? You can find a local 12 step meeting or support group, or join our private online support group, you can pick back up with the meditation and spirituality that have always been important to you. You can choose this moment, this hour, not to drink. And then the next moment. And the next one.
One at a time, and soon you will have a collection of those little moments where you chose to breathe deep and not numb, to feel all the things—good or bad—and know that you came through it. There are so many places for support and we would love to have you join our growing tribe of mamas in our online support groups or we can help you find a support path that feels best for you.
You are NOT alone—not at all, Sweet Sister. There are many of us mamas in recovery from all kinds of things, and I can tell you there IS hope. There is healing. We do recover.
Sending you much strength and support,
Anyone interested in our private online support groups can find out more here: https://sobermommies.com/groups/online-support/facebook/.
Nicole is a mama of three and a woman in recovery from the mountains of NC. She is a survivor of incredible things, and uses her gifts on a daily basis to support the members of the Sober Mommies community.