I found out a few weeks ago I’m having another baby.
It was quite a shock because we were using preventative measures, but a greater power intervened, and here we are, with “Little Nugget” due mid-November.
I am excited for a tiny baby again, but I’m also terrified.
We are not financially in a place where I can sit back and feel peaceful about this. Intellectually, I know that we will figure it out like so many parents before us, but I still worry.
All of the things I was able to do when my daughter was born will be so much more difficult with baby number two. Will I be able to give this one the same level of care and attention? Will I keep calm and nurture both children properly? Can I even handle this?
Then I remember, I’m a mom in recovery. I don’t get to ask questions like that, I HAVE to handle it. Sometimes that’s not fair. I want to question myself; I want to have the opportunity to NOT handle life. I’m not saying I want to be lost in a haze of drugs and booze again, because that I SURELY do not. I would love to be okay with not having to handle all the curve balls life throws at me with grace and unwavering spiritual faith.
Because some days I don’t have either one.
We frequently close our recovery gatherings by saying, “Pray for the babies born into this disease of addiction without a voice or a choice of their own.” Am I being selfish bringing another life into my disease? What will being sleep-deprived and uncertain do to my family? Will I run back into destructive patterns of lashing out and passive-aggression? Can I balance this huge life change with my recovery? I don’t know if I’m strong enough!
Then I remember, I am a mom in recovery. I don’t have a choice.
That’s terrifyingly real and I’m scared.
photo credit: Wayne – Amethyst Photography via photopin cc
5 Comments
My youngest 2 are only 12 months and 3 weeks apart. So when I learned I was pregnant again while still taking care of a baby that was only a few months old…I freaked. I cried for 3 straight days. I could barely get a grip on myself. It wasn’t easy financially on us, either. Like…horrible. My husband and I learned to be very creative with our dates. They didn’t include expensive dinners. They included sitting on the bench by the water, going to play volleyball together for $3, going for a run/walk. It was after my third was born that I stopped working. My husband and I found solace in the little things. You can do this!! It won’t always be easy but just believe there is a bigger plan! I’m here for ya!!
you can and will do and youll rock at it . i have 5 , and never once has it seemed we were finacially ready . my two youngest have seen me in recovery my 3 year old well i had more then a hard time when she was born and i did slipp and fall hard but that was me i wasnt doing anything to maintain sobriety , my youngest ive been sober since before she was concieved and after , youll manage you make it work weather its bath time with one and a cuddle with the other . you are stronger then you know , braver then you think 🙂
Rachel, your daughter is so lucky to have such a strong example in her life. This new baby will be too. You are an amazing woman, mother, and friend. You have helped me so much this last year, and I look forward to the opportunity to support you though whatever trials you face within the next year and beyond. You are an inspiration to me, and I am SO grateful to have you in my life. ?? xoxo ??
I’ve had both my boys in recovery. They’re only 18 months apart. I remember feeling the exact same way. If we continue to put our RECOVERY FIRST…all will be well. 🙂 Do I handle EVERY situation with grace..utilizing my spiritual tools?? Of course not. But no mom does. ..in recovery or not. I’m sleep deprived, hormonal, and occasionalay I’m just one big mess. But I’m also sober…and willing to grow along spiritual lines 🙂 and that means that just for today. ..I’m gona be ok. 🙂 congrats and best wishes.
You need to Question Yourself to Be Able to See The Strength You Have Inside!! Without those Questions and Fears you can Never Realize How Strong And Brave You Really Are! Treasure those Moments!!