I’m IN Recovery and I “Rely” On Medication
“Fucking drug addict…” my husband mutters under his breath. I sense his sarcasm, I see him wink with a stupid grin on his face. I know he is joking, but one of these days I will punch him right in his balls.
He thinks it’s funny to taunt me about having to take p.m. medication to sleep every night. I have, ever since I got sober and entered recovery.
Anytime I take any kind of medication, for anything, I imagine he assumes I will soon be shamefully gulping the rest of whatever on the floor of our bedroom closet or something. You know, because that’s what drug addicts do.
And even though I smile along with this playful banter, I know this kind of thinking is an actual problem for some.
What if someone else (who I didn’t love so much) tried to shame me for “relying” on a medication? What if someone tried to make me feel like I wasn’t the hard-working, (obviously humble), bad-ass recovery princess I feel like most days (even when I am covered in ground-up crackers and baby snot)? I’m not sure I would find it as cute and funny.
This is a serious issue and hits close to home for me.
When I began my recovery, I was a dedicated, active member of a 12-step program that I still respect, love and attend (like once a year).
Back then, I believed in a certain set of rules. I knew my way of recovery worked, and that is all I could see or entertain. Anything else was rubbish; bullshit recovery. Mine was legit.
That’s not what the pamphlets said or what the group specifically taught me to think or feel, but it’s how I felt.
As I grew into my own skin and continued to shed layers of my former self — as I walked farther away from that old shell of self — I began to see things differently. The more confident I got, the more people I met. The more people I met, the more that I began to see that maybe – just maybe – there were other ways to practice recovery that *gasp* weren’t exactly like mine.
Holy Baby J. Really? Yes, really.
Perspective depends on where we are. The more I traveled and experienced, the more I could open up and appreciate different pieces of people and their worlds. I became aware that we are all on personal journeys. That is what a recovery is. The program is just a blue print that can be used as a tool; a guide if-you-will, until we can find our footing.
So, the suggestion that I am not sober because I take certain medications is completely ridiculous. I rely on them, but they do not define my recovery or my journey.
…I’m forwarding this to my husband.
Brittany Shelton is a person living a sober life. Having spent the better part of her adolescence & young adulthood held captive by polysubstance dependence, depression and trauma related dissociation, she was also comfortable with chaos, loud bars, and abusive men. Brittany fills her empty spontaneous slithers of time in the blogging world; interacting with real people, who just like her, need, appreciate, and value, encouragement and a sense of belonging.
Brittany’s personal recovery experience has shown her the value and necessity of having support available, and she has dedicated the last nine years of her sober life doing her best to give back in various ways.
Today, she is a happily (not perfectly) married wife and a stay-at-home mom to three young boys.