Sober Fathers Grieve Too
As you can imagine, I was devastated and wondered what the hell had happened. Maybe it had been because after two years of abstinence, I had relapsed. I had stupidly picked up cocaine, and had spiraled into a full-blown relapse. My wife and I were using every day. She had not given up drinking or using at all, and I still haven’t had a drink since August 25, 2008.
Apparently, my wife decided to tell Social Services that she was in an abusive relationship with me. They helped her to leave our house and placed her in a refuge. There was certainly abuse in the relationship, but I wasn’t the aggressor. I have no history or no criminal record for any type of aggression, but my wife was arrested three times last year for threatening and abusive behavior to another girl.
I was too embarrassed to report the abuse I suffered.
I didn’t see my kids for five weeks; then I got access and for three weeks, and then she stopped it again. Because of all of this, last week I made a very serious attempt on my life. I woke up after being unconscious for 15 hours and was hospitalized. Luckily there is no organ damage or any other. The doctors told me that being an addict saved my life as I should have been dead with the amount of tablets in my system for so long!!
Thanks to God, I have not used or had a drink since my wife and kids left. As of today, I’m 105 days clean and sober! I have found out in the last three weeks that my wife is using again, and I pray for her daily. I do not feel any anger or resentment towards her for what she has done. I know something had to change for the sake of our three little boys, but I feel I am guilty until I prove myself innocent. I worry that my children are suffering because Social Services just believed the first story they heard. I call the office every week to ask if I can see my children, and feel great anxiety because I’m scared that I’ll hear the usual “No.”
I’m a father who desperately wants to help with his children and a man who loves his wife more than I can put into words.
I feel she needs treatment.
I could look after the boys while she goes, but I think she is scared that she will lose the boys forever. Maybe too much has gone on for my wife and I to have a future together, but I will not give up trying to put my family back together. She is the love of my life, and my children are the fruits of that great love.
I feel truly blessed to be in recovery, and would like to remind everyone who reads this that there are two sides to every story. Somewhere in the middle lies the truth. I wish no harm to my wife I pray she finds recovery because this disease kills.
Stewart is a 45-year-old male from the UK. He is a recovering addict and alcoholic, fighting for access to his children. They are currently living with their mum, who he feels is an active addict/alcoholic. He blogs about his journey at Let Me See My Kids.
This post was originally published in June 2014.
A Sober Mommies Contributor is most often a non-professional – in and out of recovery – with reality-based experience to share about motherhood & active addiction, the multiple pathways to recovery, or a family member’s perspective.