A few months ago, my hubby was messing around online and decided to apply for a job. The job came with health benefits, opportunities for promotion, and no more working outside in all kinds of nasty weather. When he followed up on his application a week later, he was told the position had been filled. He got a call the other day and learned the position was in fact open, and asking if he was still interested. He was, but here’s the kicker- he had to pass a drug test. He had just started smoking weed again.
He’s not an addict. He can have a beer or two and stop, and/or quit smoking weed for months or entire years.
I was still pissed. Like, really pissed. This last time he quit, we talked about the fact that I didn’t want our kids growing up smelling that shit on him, and he agreed. He was a dad now, and was time to grow up.
Had he change his mind, or was he just feeding me lip service?
When I brought up our previous conversation, he said, “You smelled it on your dad growing up, and you turned out okay.” ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME?!?! I’m an addict! How is that okay??
I don’t think worrying about passing a drug test should be something a father of (almost) two has to worry about. I was pissed because he disregarded what I thought was an agreement. I forgot one small detail. He’s entitled to make his own decisions about drugs and alcohol. While my decisions to not use or drink have been made by my decision to stay clean. I don’t get to change my mind.
Staying clean is how I must live.
He doesn’t cause havoc and destruction – I do. I wanted SO BADLY to get on my soapbox and lecture him about how much more responsible I am than he is, because I can pass a drug test and he’s going to have to flush his system to pass. I wanted to look down my nose at him; to berate him. But I didn’t. He tried to goad me into it, he really did. “Go ahead, say it, I know you’re dying to.” I really, really was. But it’s not my job to decide what substances he puts into his body, anymore than he can decide for me.
I just hope he makes the choice that is right for him.