I am going to be someone. I am going to live a life as a functioning, recovering human being. I will laugh when something is funny and cry when I feel sad. I will love and I will lose. I WILL BE LOVED. I will not allow anything to stand in my way or cloud my judgment. I will be strong for myself and for others that may follow in my footsteps. I will not give up for there are many wonderful things waiting for me. I will take care of myself first no matter the circumstance because I know that I am of no use to others if I am not well. I will learn to love myself unconditionally and focus on the issues that concern me in any given situation.
With these things ahead of me, and my past behind, I will survive. I will learn to surround myself with only those who share my hopes, dreams, love, and positivity for life and avoid those awaiting death with open arms and negativity. I will learn to accept my shortcomings and defects and how to live with them, not for them. I will replace the empty spaces with wonderful things to help myself and other women. I will learn to do unto others as I would have done to me. I will be happy and allow NOTHING to interfere.”
Clearly, I had some big dreams for myself! If only I could remember these promises every single day! Sounds easy, doesn’t it?
I am still totally imperfect, but I have learned how to forgive myself for that. I have even learned how to embrace those imperfections and help others by being honest about them. None of us are perfect. We all make mistakes. The difference today is that I have the amazing opportunity to see these mistakes clearly and learn from them.
I am so grateful for every single mistake I have ever made because they have made me who I am today.
Hitting bottom with the drinking was only the beginning for me. I have also found myself hitting bottom with other behaviors and reliance on people, places, and things. Because of the work I have done on myself, I have formed a wonderful relationship with a God that I understand. This is the most important relationship I have in my life today and it helps me as wherever I allow it to.
When I wrote that journal entry, I had the right idea. It’s not the lack of struggle that makes me happy today, but rather my ability to deal with them, as they come, with a sober mind and my friend God.
This post originally appeared on SoberMommies on November 5, 2013.