I’m Finally In Treatment, Will My Kids Be OK?
Dear Sober Mom,
I am a mother of two beautiful children. My son is three-and-a-half and my daughter is fifteen months. I was in active addiction (alcohol) during both pregnancies. It was horrible. I could not stop. I cut down and only drank wine, but I could not stop. I got even worse than before when my daughter was born. I have so many concerns about the harm I have done to them while I was carrying them. I cannot even think about it.
I am now sober four months, living in sober living. Something has changed and after years of hanging around the program I was able to stop and relief was almost instant. I am fortunate to live close to my children, only one mile away, and I see them at least four times a week. But I am concerned that they need me. That I am missing everything. I am also concerned about my son. He is a good kid, but he doesn’t listen and is acting out.
They are going to be ok, right? As long as I am sober, they will be ok?
Congratulations on four months of sobriety! That is a huge accomplishment!! You should be really proud of yourself for working so hard to get this far!
It is completely normal to worry. Being a mom is an incredibly difficult job, but it becomes even harder when you throw recovery on top of it.
I am constantly questioning my decisions and hoping that I am doing the right thing for my son.
I can understand your concern about your son acting out, but some of it may just be his age. Three is a tough age for most children. It is common for young children to act out when they aren’t able to communicate their feelings. I would continue to correct his behavior as it occurs and not worry about it too much.
I understand why you’re concerned about the alcohol you consumed during your pregnancies. It is important that you are honest with their pediatrician. It can be scary, but a doctor can help determine any problems and any necessary treatment. Mommy guilt is a difficult emotion to handle. All of us have done things that we regret, but don’t let that guilt overwhelm you. You can’t change the past, but you can continue working to build a better future.
Your children are very young, so I doubt they will remember anything from when you were drinking.
My son is seven, but he had just turned three when I got sober and he doesn’t have any memories of me drinking. I know how hard it is to be away from your kids right now, but you are doing what is best for all three of you. Your children will forget the short time you have been away in sober living. They will always remember that you as a happy, healthy and sober mom.
There is nothing more important than working on yourself and strengthening your sobriety. Even though you may not be there for every little moment, your children know you love and support them. You are building the foundation for a lifetime of happiness. Life may not be perfect, but your children will know that you did your best and you love them.
Thank you so much for trusting us with all this information. I know it wasn’t easy to do, but I hope that getting some of this off your chest has helped you. We are always here for you, so please let us know if we can do anything else to help you!
Amanda is a wife & mother from Oklahoma City in long term recovery from alcohol & drugs. She started using/drinking at 14 and struggled with depression, anxiety & ADHD most of her life. After years of struggling to get sober, she tried medication assisted recovery (MAR) & her life began to change. Amanda found Sober Mommies after struggling through her first 18 months of sobriety. For the first time in her life, she found a place where she fit in and felt safe. Sober Mommies has helped her grow as a wife, mother & woman.
She has a law degree and a BA in psychology with a minor in Addictive Disorders & Recovery Studies. She is currently studying for the bar exam and working toward achieving her dream of becoming a substance abuse counselor.