SoberMommies.com Blogging Exclusions Apply Post

Some of us missed BlogHer ’13 for many different reasons. Perhaps we could not afford it or we have far too many kids or responsibilities to be flying off to a blogging conference. Some of us wish SO badly this was not the case and that we could have been there. Especially in the wake of reports that it was a blast and the opportunity to see pictures of all of our friends embracing our favorite bloggers on facebook. I for one wish I was squished in between all of you.

I was not there.

It was expensive, for sure. It was in Chicago and would have required both travel and child care arrangements. These are reasons that could have kept me from attending this wonderful event, but they did not.

The fact that I have NO business at a conference known for it’s partying kept me away. I wanted to be there for the fellowship, the seminars, and the networking, but feared the after-party portion.

I have never been to a conference, nor have I been to much outside of dinner with fellow bloggers. I would LOVE to spend days on end picking at your brains and laughing with you. I have heard stories from other people that it’s a wonderful time, but also a little “Bloggers Gone Wild” after dark.

This frightens me even after thirteen years of sobriety. I cannot put into words all of the variables, but it’s serious and similar to that which keeps me out of bars on Saturday nights. I have no justifiable reason to be there. The benefits of attending do not outweigh the dangers or possible urges to join you in some much needed relief. I struggle with depression and I’m in the shit lately. It’s not a great time to be hanging out in a barber shop if I’m not looking for a haircut…. ya know? So, I stayed home…no biggie.

Some other bloggers that did not attend BlogHer had a Twitter party to celebrate not going. I thought this was an amazing idea and looked forward to getting my tweet on…until I logged on. The constant and immediate references to alcohol served as a fast acting deterrent.

Is alcoholism trending?

I guess I just don’t understand the need to talk about drinking all the time. Yes, being a mother is stressful. Good for you, you get to drown out your day with a box of wine or some fruity vodka throat punch. Why is that more socially acceptable to talk about than the fact that I choose not to? Why are you making that my business? Yes, perhaps I’m a little jealous, not because I want to drink, but because I miss the instant gratification I got the first one. It now takes much more time and effort to get relief and sometimes I just wish it could be easier. Sobriety is TOTALLY worth the effort, don’t get me wrong. I just miss the exhale sometimes.  I can pray and meditate today and get a sense of ease and comfort far beyond what a drink ever gave me, but it takes time. Time which I do not always have or take.

I get frustrated with you, it’s true. It especially gets to me when you all get together in groups like #wineparty etc. I’d love to come and chat with you, but again, I have NO business there. I don’t drink wine and the hashtag is enough warning for me to stay away. I just can’t help but feel like we’re missing out on each other.

This is not just just an issue in the blogging community, but also all over the social media front.

I just wanted you to know how much I think it sucks.

Julie Maida founded Sober Mommies in May of 2013 after a bout of postpartum depression made it impossible to keep up with her previous recovery routine. She is the contributing Editor-in-Chief, and also runs the non-profit organization in Massachusetts; where she lives with her amazing husband and three children.

Thanks to the love, patience, and guidance of an incredible tribe of women, her recovery date is May 2, 2000.

Julie is eternally grateful for all the gifts of recovery and fiercely determined to advocate for, and connect, ALL women with the appropriate support and resources necessary to achieve their personal recovery goals.

She writes full-time about mothering with mental illness at nextlifenokids.com, and is the founder of the “#Mommitment Mom Movement” aimed at putting an end to the social “norms” of mom-shaming and judgment.

Please share this and help us spread hope to all the mamas out there who might feel alone.
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