A Story Of Life After Death
I am proud to be a sober mommy. This was not the case between 2009-2013. My drinking up until 2009 was casual. In that year I lost my brother to an accidental overdose and gave a child up for adoption.
I started to hate life.
I also began living in the past. My mother was a drunk and I was beaten and molested as a child. Because of the issues in my past and the problems I was experiencing, I got lost. I had three children at home, and a husband who needed me, but I couldn’t be there for them.
All I wanted was a bottle of liquor. Beer wasn’t strong enough, because I drank to black out and forget. Before too long, I was drinking a half-gallon of vodka every day. I hated myself, and everything I had become. It was a vicious cycle. I would wake up, look in the mirror and see a monster. My solution was to drink until I forgot about that monster. Sun up to sun down, over and over, all day.
I could manage to get my children off to school before passing out. Then I would wake up an hour later and do it all over again. I put them and my husband through hell and back; more than a couple of times.
One night while drinking I fell. I was in a drunken stupor, and just got up to pass out in bed. The next morning, my kids tried to wake me and could not, so they woke up their dad. I was convulsing and had shit my pants.
I was unresponsive. I was at Death’s door, and a call was placed to 911.
As it turns out, I had given myself subdural hematoma. They had to remove a quarter of my skull. They told my husband to bring the kids and say their goodbyes. I was in a coma for weeks and had to learn how to do everything again.
Thanks to God, I made a complete recovery but I still drank when I got out of the hospital and for another year. I kept trying to get sober but never made it very long.
That is, until July 30, 2013.
I can’t explain it, but everything made sense for the first time. I like to call it my “grace from God.” I am sober now, I have let the past go, and I can now live Life on Life’s terms. Next month I will celebrate my first whole year clean and sober!!!! I have built a great relationship with my kids and husband. I live life and all that comes with it now. Happiness is not even a big enough word to explain how I feel.
I am truly lucky to be alive, and I am blessed.
This brave post was submitted by Kelly.
A Sober Mommies Contributor is most often a non-professional – in and out of recovery – with reality-based experience to share about motherhood & active addiction, the multiple pathways to recovery, or a family member’s perspective.