I lost a lot of those people I called “friends” when I got sober. I was told to change the people, places, and things in my life. Truth be told, I didn’t have to do much to change the people. Most of my friends were really sick of my bitter drunkenness and countless rehabs, which made it impossible for me to drink with them anymore. That affected my motivation to continue the relationships, and when I got sober there weren’t many left.
Two years and some odd months later, I’ve made a lot of amends to those people, and thought I had started to rebuild some of those friendships – not so much. I never realized how many events are centered around alcohol until I got sober… WOW.
I now find myself with one friend; my sister. She’s my best friend and right hand man. She’s one of those “normal” people, and honestly I cant tell you the last time she even had a drink, because she just doesn’t find it appealing. I love my sister, and I value our relationship, but there are still times I wish I’d get a phone call from one of my old friends saying, “Hey! Come over! Come hang out!”
That never happens.
I don’t know if it’s because when we do hang out I’m uncomfortable, or because they are. Sometimes I’m invited to hang out with my sister’s friends where people will be drinking. This makes me nervous too; not because I’m worried that I’ll drink, but because I don’t know how to act in that situation.
I don’t know, I guess I prefer to spend my time with other sober people, because it’s more comfortable. When I’m in a room full of people who are drinking, God, I feel like the whole world is watching me. What do I say? How do I say it? If I make a joke, am I going to piss them off or are they going to laugh? I’m not sure how to handle these types of things. When it’s my house, I can control whether or not there is alcohol. I’ve noticed that people leave parties relatively early when that’s out of the picture.
Is this stupid?