You see, I am a survivor. I’ve had cancer twice. I’m a person in long-term recovery from alcohol and substance abuse. I survived my younger sibling’s tragic death.
Sometimes, the kindest and sanest thing you can do for yourself is to recognise that you need a time out. When you are in recovery, too much freaking out can be dangerous.
The day started very much like the last one several years ago that nearly took my life. Today could have been a relapse day, but it wasn’t.
It’s like I’m living two separate lives—the fear is agonizing—the uncertainty is even worse. What is it that I’m becoming?
When we took my son home, it didn’t take long for my insides to shed quickly to my outsides. I didn’t want to get out of bed, I didn’t want to shower, I didn’t want to clean, I just didn’t want to participate in life at all. I didn’t want to be a mom.